Little things I am thankful for

Everyone on Facebook is doing these "I'm thankful for..." posts with things that they are thankful for in their lives. You know, the usual, "my amazing family," "my wonderful children," "I have a job," "I can pay my electric bill," blah blah blah.

Of course, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for that stuff, too. But, the more I start to think about it, all the little tiny things I am thankful for in my life are getting neglected when I talk about the big things I appreciate!!

So, today's post is dedicated to random items that I am extremely thankful for in my life, those poor things that are getting pushed aside for kids and husbands and the like.

•  Slipper socks
• They are fuzzy, warm, and perfect for my cold feet in November. I have 10 pairs of them. True, they take up too much room in my sock drawer, but they are less likely to be stolen by my kids than my slippers are (and I've not seen my slippers for weeks!)
• Butter Knives
• The black sheep of the knife family, they don't really cut very much, but are actually very useful!!! Not only for butter, but also to pry stuff open, clean out the top of sippy cups where the gunk builds up, slide in the trim around a door so my kids can't open it, and try to get that elusive Polly Pocket shoe that Story just has to have  that's slid right under the stove.
• Toilets
• Of course, many many people are thankful for indoor plumbing. The toilet is just awesome, though. Bad stuff goes in, and with the flick of a switch it goes away and never comes back. You don't have to even think about it anymore! How much better would life be if you could do that with bills or annoying people?
• Nick Jr.
• One of the best babysitters EVER!! Four years ago when it became a 24 hours channel, mothers everywhere were rejoicing. Finally, something to entertain my three year old in between bouts of puking at 3 AM......
•  Dog Treats
• What better way to get my dog outside when she's getting into bad stuff inside the house, or get her back inside when she's terrorizing the neighborhood?? "Abby!! Wanna treat???" always works!!!!!
• Sudoku
• Sometimes a girl just needs to unwind, and thinking aimlessly for 30 minutes about nothing but the numbers 1-9 makes everything better.
• Garage door openers
• Who invented these?? They are fabulous! More necessary than the TV remote control, even. When it's raining, snowing, or just plain cold, it's awesome to be able to push the button while staying in the nice, warm car...then running after the door opens all the way!! Now if they could just make remote control gas pumps...
• Irons
• Irons make it possible for me to procrastinate folding clothes. If I neglect folding the clothes in the laundry basket for, say, five days...they're pretty much unrecognizable by the time I do fold them. Thirty seconds with the iron, though, and voila! They look like shirts and pants again!
• Mr. Clean Magic Erasers
• Flat paint + crayons + curious little girls = wall disasters!! It's a little harder than "erasing," but they've saved my life (and my kids' lives!!) many times..........
• Tempurpedic Pillows
• A couple of Christmases ago, I got one, and ever since then, my pillow is my constant companion. I travel with it everywhere!! As long as I have it, I don't need blankets, or sheets....in fact, I could sleep in a corner!
• Clothespins
• They've got many uses...and you never think about how great they are until you need one and you can't find it.

And finally..............

• Law and Order
• How else would I spend my weekday afternoons and weekend afternoons?? Being productive? Please!

How???

Some kids go through the "why" stage, but Story's new favorite word is "how." This is just a sample of every single conversation we've had this week.

STORY: Mommy, why is the stove hot?

ME: Because electricity goes through it and makes it hot.

STORY: How does electricity get in there?

ME: We plug it into the wall and the electricity goes through the cord.

STORY: How does eek-tris-tee get in the wall?

ME: There are wires with electricity in them that run to our house.

STORY: How did the wires go to our house?

ME: Someone made them go to our house. They bring power to here.

STORY: How do they get the power?

ME: From a power plant.

STORY: How does the plant get power?

ME: They burn coal.

STORY: (slight pause) Mommy, how do you know?

ME: Because I'm smart.

STORY: How are you smart?

ME: I'm smart because I listened in school.

STORY: How did you do that?

ME: (no speaking, just "the look")

STORY: Oh.

So far this week, I've explained how leaves turn colors, how toilets work, why I do laundry, and how cars use gas. And each conversation ends exactly the same way- with my daughter questioning my intelligence, and me administering "the look".

There's a bright and shining future for Story in law enforcement, I'm sure. Or maybe torture.

Eight Things I learned about Alabama

On a recent trip to the Yellowhammer State (Alabama!) to attend my sister-in-law's wedding, I learned many things.

1. Alabama is too long.

• We had to drive from the top of the state to the very bottom. The kids asked us every hour or so what state we were in, and I'm pretty sure we said "Alabama" about 300 times. I mean, it's longer than California and Florida combined. It might be longer than the entire continent of South America from tip to top. Don't believe what those maps say- I lived it!

2. Alabama highways all look the same.

• I took pictures every hour from the passenger seat. Guess what? They all had a road surrounded by pine trees. Every picture is indistinguishable from the rest.

3. Ants are to be feared in Alabama.

• Where I live, you see an ant crawling on you, you flick it off. No big deal. In Alabama, I learned the hard way that when you see an ant crawling on you, you should scream, shake the appendage on which the ant has decided to crawl, and then drop to your knees and pray for mercy. If you don't, it will sting you. And then you will cry many times during the course of at least four days, maybe more (ask me in a couple more days).

4. Bug spray doesn't matter in Alabama.

• When planning to spend time in an outdoor venue, many people put on bug spray. I usually do this in the summer, but I made a special decision to apply bug spray due to the ant incident. I even applied it four times. It didn't seem to matter...I got bit anyways. Many, many times.

5. Sand fleas are direct descendants from Satan.

• It's possible that I was bitten over and over by these things I couldn't see called "sand fleas." At least that's what the photographer said was biting him when he asked me for bug spray. Little did I know I could have told him it didn't matter- apparently bug spray doesn't deter them. I came home with 19 bites on just one leg, not to mention the other leg, both arms, and my back. These bites, while small, itched worse and worse....and they continue to itch, but at least now they're taking turns.

6. Alabama bugs love me

• When totalling my bug bites, I stopped at 50. Ivy had 6. Story had 7. Rob had none. What's up with that??7

7. The beach in Alabama is white, but windy.

• I only went for a brief walk one day, and a 30 minute excursion with the kids to make sand castles the next. Of course, the kids abandoned the sand castle after about 3 minutes and 12 seconds and went on to make "sand angels" for the remainder of the time. The sand was pretty until it got in my eyes, my teeth, and some other places I don't talk about at parties.

8. The trip north isn't any better than the trip south

• Is it possible that it takes twice as long to leave Alabama as it did to get there? Maybe there's some kind of space-time-continuum that keeps you in the state longer when you try to leave.

I had a good time (and so did the bugs!), but I don't think I could move there....unless I got some kind of bug and sand repellent cat suit....and an airplane to make the trip north faster!

Tracee, Death to Cars

Sunday I went about 30 minutes north and played in a concert. When I was done, I put the girls in the truck, plugged in the DVD player, and turned the key. Nothing happened except the DVD player went off. I turned it again. Zilch.

I know nothing about cars and mechanical stuff, but I figured the battery was dead...so I went back in to the concert and asked a lady if anyone could help me jump my truck. A nice man with a crazy toddler who wasn't digging the concert to begin with said he would help me...as long as I had cables. Amazingly enough, I knew where they were!

I jumped in the bed of the truck and got my bag of cables out. I was wearing concert black of course, and when I got out of the bed, it was concert black with grey smudges. The choir director came out to help, too. We set up the cables, and when I turned the key...nothing happened. Still. So, I called AAA to send me a tow truck, and my husband to come and get us in his car.

My husband, of course, was busy yelling at the Bengals, but he and the tow truck guy arrived within minutes of each other. They hoisted my truck onto his truck, and we followed it down the highway. I snapped some cute pics of it on the way.

An hour later, I decided I needed to go to Walmart. I took my husband's car and Story. Story and I were having a rousing game of "Find the letter A on road signs" when the car started acting funny, losing speed. I down shifted, but it wasn't helping, and I could smell something weird. So, I pulled over to the side of the road amidst a cloud of smoke which I prayed was just road dust. Unfortunately it was coming out of the hood, so my hopes were dashed.

I told Story to hold on as I unbuckled, but in the excitement, I dropped my cell phone under the seat. You know, that one place you can't really reach from the front or the back? That's where it was. You can imagine me now...burning car, me hanging upside down from the drivers seat half out in the highway looking for my phone, and Story in the back saying, "Mommy, what's that smell?"

I finally grabbed the phone and popped the hood just as a couple pulled up in front of me. I ran around the side to get Story out as the guy said, "You okay??"

"Uh, no!" I yelled from the shoulder.

He said, "Well, we smelled you a couple miles back...is it a fire?"

I wasn't sure, so we popped the hood, and in a few short minutes realized that I'd burnt the clutch out in the car. I reached for my cell to call my husband (who is at home with no vehicle, remember), and then realized that I had no service. An old couple pulled up behind me and swore that they had service, but when I tried to use their phone, it wouldn't ring through.

So, old couple drove over the hill to call my husband, and young couple played with Story while I sat and silently freaked out. I mean, really, what are the odds I'd kill both cars in one day???

I made young couple leave (they were really tired, I could tell), and old couple came back to tell me they'd gotten a hold of my husband, but he said his car was tore up. (Uh, yeah! LOL)

Several other people stopped to check on me, but I shooed them on. I figured out that if I stood on the passenger seat, and held my phone on the roof of the car, that I could send texts. So I started sending them frantically. I found out that Rob and my neighbor were coming to get me. Then, a cop stopped and tried to talk me in to calling a wrecker, and Story asked him if he was taking us to jail.

Finally, my husband got there with my neighbor. He drove the car back while I rode with my neighbor.

The next morning, I called Enterprise to "come pick me up." I also called my mechanic and gave him the bad news: not only did he have to squeeze my truck in to his schedule, he also had to make room for Rob's car.

So, if anyone's interested in donating to the "Get Tracee back on the road fund," just put your number in the comments section and I'll give you a call and tell you where to send the check. =)

The First Grade Blues

So, Ivy has spent one month in first grade....one. long. month.

The little good girl I had last year in Kindergarten is long gone, and in her place is a whiny, reluctant 6 year old teenager!!

How, you ask? I think it revolves around her lazy disposition and spelling tests, but we'll see.

First, she despises working. She refuses to do homework. I sit with her and try to encourage her to do every problem or question. I start out being the nice supportive mommy, gently coaxing answers out of her and encouraging her to write neatly.

After an hour of this (and we've only completed 2 questions!!), I decide that I have to get something done! So, I leave her to it, refusing TV, snacks, and drinks until it's complete. When she starts chewing on her pencil or playing a game with her crayons, I step in a up the threat level.

Of course, 10 minutes later, I'm offering drinks and candy if she will just finish two more problems!!!

One evening, I swear she spent two and a half hours writing twelve spelling words twice each. That's 6.25 minutes spent on each word....

In the height of my homework frustrations, I find a worksheet under the coffee table one evening. After I study it, I realize it is this week's spelling words. I call another 1st grade mom, and she thinks the worksheet was supposed to be turned in on Tuesday. It's Saturday.

When I lay it in front of Ivy and ask her why it was under the coffee table, she confesses that she put it there. "Why?????" I ask. (I'd like to tell you I asked in my nice voice, but that would be a lie.)

Ivy says, "Mommy, I want to go back to Kindergarten. This first grade stuff is just too much work."

So, after making her swear to give it to her teacher and apologize when the weekend was over, I contemplated her statement. True, there was a lot more work...and the infamous Tracee-stress-inducers called spelling tests (I mean, it would be so much easier if I could just take them for her!!) But, I hated to tell her this, it was only going to get worse. I mean, if she couldn't copy twenty-four words in less than two hours, how was she ever going to do 50 math problems?? And heaven forbid she would ever have to write a paper!!

I'm not sure what the future holds for her and her inability to focus on her homework....all I know is I have only two short years to figure it out before I have two homework-skipping time-wasting divas on my hands....

10 items of randomness for my 100th post

Whoo-hoo!!!

It's my 100th post! Can you believe that 100 blog-worthy things have happened to me? (okay, I'll be honest- probably only 47 blog-worthy things have happened...the remaining 53 are not very good).

So, in honor of my 100th post of nothing, I decided to compose 100 short stories about things that have happened to me lately...

And then I got realistic....and decided to post ten.

Here goes:

1. Story keeps wanting strange foods for breakfast...this morning it was mozzarella and oranges. Yesterday she wanted bananas and a hot dog. At least she's not mixing them up.

2. Abby (my dog) needs shaved. Badly. Every time I let her in the house, a steady trail of hair flows behind her, kind of like Pig Pen and his dirt from Charlie Brown. If she lays down on the rug, when she gets up, it looks like she's left little puppies all over the carpet. I have swept more the past week than I have in a year.

3. I did Zumba for the first time the other day....in addition to finding out that I still have the coordination of an adolescent, I also realized that I can't seem to move my hips...at all. Oh well, at least I didn't fall.....

4. Ivy's doing this annoying thing where she laughs all the time, even when she's in trouble. I'm not sure how to handle this, but it infuriates me!!! I find myself saying all those cliches my mom used to say to me....funny how that keeps happening.

5. I painted my fingernails hot pink for a wedding last weekend. And then I put on a red dress. (If there's a man reading this who's thinking, "What's wrong with that?"....that's tacky!!) Then I stole some sea shells from the reception for my hermit crabs...and got caught doing it by a groomsman.

6. Story's starting to get in to a good sleep routine again, but Ivy is being very resistant to going to sleep anytime before midnight...which is weird because it's usually the other way around! Methinks we need some Benadryl assistance.....

7. I should really clean the house...but I'm not too excited about doing that because in 4 hours, I'll just need to sweep it again. Why bother when the improvement is short-lived I say?

8. Story and I have had some interesting conversations lately as her vocabulary has improved and she's become more talkative. Too bad I still can't understand anything she says.

9. I'm trying to teach Ivy to give herself a shower...and it's hard! What makes it worse is she has no desire to do it herself either. I mean, I guess if someone offered to bathe me everyday, I'd probably let them, so I see her point, but, wow, it would be so much easier if I could say, "Ivy go take a shower" and 72 minutes later after much nagging and yelling, she's cleaned herself!!

10. Story's favorite new lullaby? Dynamite by Taio Cruz. I know, right?

The doctor appointment

Story had her yearly check up and shots scheduled for 10 AM.

You would think that I could get both kids ready and out the door by then, but my children are on "summer schedule," which means waking up at 10 would be an issue.

I had decided that we'd leave at 9 to give ourselves a good cushion of time just in case anything went wrong. (If you've learned anything from my blog, it would be that something always goes wrong!)

I got dressed and then attempted to wake the kids up. Story popped right out of bed when I told her she would get a certain sippy cup after she got dressed. Ivy wasn't so easy, but she eventually did what I asked (with much whining).

As I was assisting Ivy with her hair, Story grabbed her Nintendo DS and was doing one of their favorite activities: recording her voice and playing it back over and over and over again.

I put shoes on us all, made eggo waffles and an egg muffin, and put them all in baggies. I made coffee for myself, sippy cups for the kids, and ushered us all out the door...by 9:30.

Story couldn't carry her stuff because her hands were filled with the DS that she was singing "Dynamite" into. I placed her sippy cup on the arm rest in the front seat, passed out the baggies of breakfast, buckled seat belts, and took off.

I was trying to eat my egg muffin and drive without spilling anything on me, and I was doing good! Just as I mentally complimented myself, part of the muffin started to spill... I swerved a little bit to catch it, and suddenly I felt a strange cold feeling on the right side of my legs.

The sippy cup!! I hadn't given it to Story!

About the time that I screamed when I realized that kool-aid was making its way all over the seat of my shorts. I was en route to the doctor and I didn't have time to change!! How was I going to keep from dying of embarrassment???

I grabbed a jacket from the back seat and started mopping it up, finally just sitting on it, hoping that it would wick away the moisture from my shorts. Once settled in the seat again, I heard a scream from the back seat...and the a giggle from my two kids. Followed by a repeat of the scream, and then more giggling. Story had recorded me!

So, off to the doctor I went with a wet rear-end, my scream in the back seat a reminder that I should have given Story her cup!