Conversations with Story

Story blows a raspberry in my face. I pretend to cry.
STORY: Mommy why you crwying?
ME: You hurt my feelings.
STORY: Mommy, it only a widdle spit.
ME: I know. Spitting can hurt my feelings.
STORY: No, spit doan hurt feewings.
ME: Yes it does.
STORY: No it doan. Spit to me.
ME: No, I don't want to hurt you're feelings.
STORY: Mommy! You can't not hurt my feewings! Spit to me! See, I spit to me.
**brief struggle as she tries to "spit to" herself.
STORY: See? My feewings no hurt.

ME: Story! Get down here for your bath!!! One....Two...
STORY: Mommy I coming I coming!
**I wait in bathroom, no Story
ME: Story! Come on, you have to take a bath!!! One....Two...

STORY: Mommy I coming I coming!
**she doesn't show up. I look, she's sitting on the top step in the playroom watching TV.
ME: Story! Get down here!!! One...Two.....
STORY: Mommy! Shew! I tole you I was coming!
**she walks down the stairs.
STORY: Mommy, why you so angwy to me?
ME: Because I had to tell you three times to get down here for your bath!
**She rolls her eyes (that's right, I have a three year old eye-roller!)
STORY: I not dirty.
ME: Yes, yes, you are!
STORY: No I not! See?
**she drops her pants, turns around, and bends over to show me her butt.
STORY: See? I no have poop on my butt.

**Story is sobbing uncontrollably. I pick her up.
ME: Baby, why are you so sad?
STORY: Ivy woan pway with me!!!!
ME: What do you want her to play?
STORY: I just wan her to be a mouse.
ME: A mouse? Why?
STORY: So I can sit on her.
ME: You're going to sit on her?
STORY: Yes. I'm an ewephant. See?
**She takes her arm and flaps it up and down saying, "wha-hoo! wha-hoo!"
ME: Well, maybe Ivy doesn't want to be a squished mouse?
STORY: But why? Why, Mommy?
ME: Maybe she wants to be an elephant too.
**She seems to ponder this for a moment.
STORY: Mommy, will you be my mouse?

**in the car....
STORY: Mommy, I want the whoa whoa song.
ME: The whoa whoa song? What's that?
STORY: I want the whoa whoa song!!!!!!!!!!!
ME: What whoa whoa song???
IVY: (translating) You know, Mommy, the song that goes, "Whoa, whoa, I wanna know!"
ME: OH! Well, it's not on the radio.
STORY: I want the song!!!!!!!!!!! WAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME: I can't just make a song play on the radio, Story.
STORY: Why? I want whoa whoa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ME: Because I can only play what the radio has.
STORY: Why? Mommy why? MOMMY WHY???????
ME: Because I'm not the boss.
STORY: Mommy, you are.
ME: No, I'm not.
STORY: You are. You say, "Sit down. Be qwiet. I'm the bossa you!"

Since Story turned three

Since Story turned three, she's had a huge change in behavior. I am trying to document this so when she's 16, I can look back and A. Realize this might be the turning point or B. Look back and think, "Thank God she's not three anymore!!"

• Story refuses to take off her tutu. She has two green and blue ones that she sleeps in. She has a dirty pink one with an attached long sleeved shirt that she wants to put on the second she comes in from daycare. She likes to wear that one outside everyday in front of the neighbors, who by now I am sure are contemplating her sanity. She likes to wear these tutus with no other clothing, not even panties.
• Story likes the word NO. Not that she never used it before, but she's really expanded her use of it: "Story, are you hungry?" NO! "Do you need the potty?" NO! "Do you like Santa?" NO! "Why are you crying?" NO! "Let's get out of the bathtub." NO! "No." NO! NO! NO! NO!!!!!!
• She has also learned the word WHY and when to use it. But, I really don't think she cares to actually know why, she just wants to be annoying.
• She wants to eat crescent rolls. All the time.
• She refuses to eat at every meal (even the ones of the pizza persuasion). After leaving it sit on the table for three hours without touching it, I usually let the dog have it. At this point, she uses that internal toddler radar and runs screaming into the kitchen shouting "Where's my FOOD????? Who ate my FOOD??????" So, guilt ridden as I am, I fix her more food....which she leaves on the table and does not touch.
• She bullies Ivy non-stop. I have tried to convince Ivy that if she puts her foot down, Story will stop (and then I of course can spend more time on facebook). Ivy decides the better plan is tattling at the top of a singsong voice. This plan backfires because I get annoyed with the tattling and yell at Ivy rather than the little devil who started it all. Seriously, can't these kids govern themselves yet? :)

I am sure I could think of more, but I might have to go do something.