Cowgirl and the loose tooth

Ivy had this loose tooth that she had been wiggling for days, much to my dismay. See, I hate loose teeth. I can't stand to watch them being wiggled. I don't like to think about them being pulled.   I never pulled my own teeth ...and I tried to hide them from my dad so he wouldn't pull them. There's NO WAY I would ever be able to pull someones tooth.

But, I have a kid losing teeth at an alarming rate.  A friend of the family pulled her first tooth. Her teachers have pulled many more of them. Her dad pulled one. One just fell out.  I have had nothing to do with any of them.

The tooth in question had been pulled on by many, including Ivy, but of course not me.  She walked through Wal-mart wiggling it. Played on the swing set wiggling it. Laid in bed wiggling it.

Then, as I am making the bed yesterday, I hear a scream, a cry, a thud, and an undecipherable exclamation....something like "Fye Foooo!!! Aye looooffff id!"

I ran out into the hallway and was immediately confronted by Ivy, blood dripping down her chin. "Fye Foof!" she exclaimed. "Fye foof es gone!!!!"  I ushered her into the bathroom, gave her a cup, and told her to start rinsing.

But not all the noise was coming from Ivy. Story stood in the door of the playroom sobbing, large tears falling from her eyes down onto her cheeks. "What's wrong??" I asked. "Ivy is fine! She just lost her tooth!"

"I know!!!!" Story wailed. "I made her tooth fall out!!!!" And with that sentence, she wailed even louder.

"What happened???" I asked, but inconsolable Story couldn't tell me.  A non-bleeding but still-hard-to-understand Ivy filled in the blanks.

Story had decided that she wanted to be a cowgirl.  And that Ivy was going to be her horse. All good horses have reins, though, and this issue was remedied by a jump rope placed in Ivy's teeth. Story mounted, grabbed hold of her reins, and pulled...and suddenly Ivy didn't have a tooth anymore.

Story was still crying, but I managed to calm her down and explain that she kind of did a good thing...of course, jump ropes in mouths were bad, and it could have been a permanent tooth, but all that aside, she didn't need to cry anymore.

Five minutes later, I found the tooth. It had been flung 15 feet into the next room. If I had been a forensic pathologist, I could have determined that something much more dangerous happened with the jump rope to fling the tooth that far, but lucky for Ivy and Story, I'm just a music teacher.

Ivy Teaches Story About Digestion

Often, Ivy feels the need to instruct Story on the ways of the world. While eating pizza in the back seat, Ivy decided to teach Story about a process called "indigeshun."

IVY: Story, did you know that this pizza will turn to poop in your body?

STORY: what??

IVY: it's called indigeshun. You chew the pizza and it is in your mouth.

STORY: I don't have poop in my mouth.

IVY: no! Listen! Then it goes in your throat.

STORY: I have poop in my throat?

IVY: No! Your throat goes to your tummy. And the food goes to your tummy. And then it goes into....mommy?

ME: yes?

IVY: what's that tube after your tummy called?

ME: the intestine?

IVY: yes, Story, the food goes to your small testine.

STORY: I have a test?

IVY: No! TESTINE! Then it goes to your big testine.

STORY: how big is my testine?

IVY: And then it goes to the toilet.

STORY: I don't put food in the toilet. That's where the poop goes.

IVY: No, Story, it's poop then!

STORY: but when is the food poop?

As much as I was enjoying this science lesson, Ivy started to tell her the whole process AGAIN and I changed the subject.

And only Ivy could continue eating her pizza at this point.

Fashionistas!

I know, I've been absent. It's been very busy...research papers due, band concerts, band trips, moving...

But moving to a new house has given my children a new freedom- going outside. It's not that they couldn't play outside before, but I always had to go with them (no fence and a million strange men driving by on golf carts)...and I'm a lazy and bad mom. I'd much rather do laundry than sit outside with my kids, a choice they could never fathom: Why do we need clean clothes??

In our new house, though, we have a totally fenced in yard with many windows overlooking it. They can go outside together without telling me. How exciting is that?? In the few months they've been doing this, I've noticed a rather alarming trend. Instead of wearing shorts and a t-shirt outside (comfortable clothes that they can get dirty), they dress up to play like they're going to the preschool prom!

What are the rules of dress for outside play according to Ivy and Story? Skirts. Always skirts. Or dresses. And it seems as though the less the articles of clothing match, the better.

If I didn't force them to wear tennis shoes or sandals, they'd be riding their bikes in cream colored patent leather heels or 3 inch wedge sandals. In this picture, Story has mixed a selection of Ivy's clothing together with her own flip flops (Mommy's suggestion). And Ivy is bedecked in her former clothes that are now Story's. I guess I should applaud them for sharing??

Bathing suits and printed tights also acceptable. Christmas dresses and snow boots equal outdoor fashion awesomeness.

Princess ball gowns over Spongebob pajamas...look for it in the fall on runways everywhere.

And the number one rule of play fashion?? ANY T-shirt Mommy forces you to wear can be instantly made acceptable by the addition of a too-short gauzy tutu.


I often beg for them to just wear some normal playclothes, and to limit their outfit changing to once a day, requests that are ignored and laughed at. Every day, especially in the summer, is a fight to express themselves through clothing!

For Mother's Day, my present from them was that they "would wear anything that Mommy wanted them to all day, without crying about it." It was a nice gesture.

If I don't post again for a couple of months, you'll know it's because I'm too busy laundering tights and bathing suits and tutus.

The White Pants Dilemma

In my closet, there are lots of pants. Some are too big. Some are too small. Some are just right. (Yes, I have three bears living in my closet.)

And one pair, one very special pair, is white. White. Very white. And they have never ever been worn!!

I'm not sure why I keep them in there. They do fit. And I tell myself all the time that I will wear them...soon! In winter, I say, "Oh, I'll wear them when it gets warm!" In summer, I tell myself, "I'll save them for wearing at school!" For the past two years I've been lying to myself in this manner, because I will never ever ever be able to wear them.

Why, you ask? Because I am clumsy. And staining substances are magnetically attracted to whatever I happen to have on my body. If I wear a white shirt, you can be sure I'll get some permanent black marker on it. A black shirt? Bleach will find me. Colors? Butter, grease, grape juice....you name it, if it's un-removeable, it will appear. My closet is filled with pretty clothes I can't stand to part with, but I can't ever wear in public again.

I'm especially good at sitting on something staining, too, but not realizing it. When I get home at night and find I have a big black mark on the seat of my pants, I marvel at the number of people I'd passed during the day who couldn't pull me aside and say, "Hey, you got a big mark on your butt." (So if you happen to see that I do, please tell me! I promise not to say, "What are you doing looking at my butt????")

I stalk white pants wearers sometimes. Some people wear them effortlessly, going through an entire day in a public school without a single mark or blemish. By 8:07, I probably would have gotten dry erase marker on the left leg and coffee on the right. I should get rid of the pants, right??

Of course, I don't know this for sure, seeing as how I've never worn white pants. So, it's quite possible that I could be one of those white pants wearers, if I was very very careful. And if I carried a Tide-to-go pen with me. And a towel to sit on. And a force field to keep those little kids from hugging me.

Which is why I will probably keep them in my closet...at least until summer. When I wear them. They are definitely summer pants...and it's winter.

Little things I am thankful for

Everyone on Facebook is doing these "I'm thankful for..." posts with things that they are thankful for in their lives. You know, the usual, "my amazing family," "my wonderful children," "I have a job," "I can pay my electric bill," blah blah blah.

Of course, don't get me wrong, I'm thankful for that stuff, too. But, the more I start to think about it, all the little tiny things I am thankful for in my life are getting neglected when I talk about the big things I appreciate!!

So, today's post is dedicated to random items that I am extremely thankful for in my life, those poor things that are getting pushed aside for kids and husbands and the like.

•  Slipper socks
• They are fuzzy, warm, and perfect for my cold feet in November. I have 10 pairs of them. True, they take up too much room in my sock drawer, but they are less likely to be stolen by my kids than my slippers are (and I've not seen my slippers for weeks!)
• Butter Knives
• The black sheep of the knife family, they don't really cut very much, but are actually very useful!!! Not only for butter, but also to pry stuff open, clean out the top of sippy cups where the gunk builds up, slide in the trim around a door so my kids can't open it, and try to get that elusive Polly Pocket shoe that Story just has to have  that's slid right under the stove.
• Toilets
• Of course, many many people are thankful for indoor plumbing. The toilet is just awesome, though. Bad stuff goes in, and with the flick of a switch it goes away and never comes back. You don't have to even think about it anymore! How much better would life be if you could do that with bills or annoying people?
• Nick Jr.
• One of the best babysitters EVER!! Four years ago when it became a 24 hours channel, mothers everywhere were rejoicing. Finally, something to entertain my three year old in between bouts of puking at 3 AM......
•  Dog Treats
• What better way to get my dog outside when she's getting into bad stuff inside the house, or get her back inside when she's terrorizing the neighborhood?? "Abby!! Wanna treat???" always works!!!!!
• Sudoku
• Sometimes a girl just needs to unwind, and thinking aimlessly for 30 minutes about nothing but the numbers 1-9 makes everything better.
• Garage door openers
• Who invented these?? They are fabulous! More necessary than the TV remote control, even. When it's raining, snowing, or just plain cold, it's awesome to be able to push the button while staying in the nice, warm car...then running after the door opens all the way!! Now if they could just make remote control gas pumps...
• Irons
• Irons make it possible for me to procrastinate folding clothes. If I neglect folding the clothes in the laundry basket for, say, five days...they're pretty much unrecognizable by the time I do fold them. Thirty seconds with the iron, though, and voila! They look like shirts and pants again!
• Mr. Clean Magic Erasers
• Flat paint + crayons + curious little girls = wall disasters!! It's a little harder than "erasing," but they've saved my life (and my kids' lives!!) many times..........
• Tempurpedic Pillows
• A couple of Christmases ago, I got one, and ever since then, my pillow is my constant companion. I travel with it everywhere!! As long as I have it, I don't need blankets, or sheets....in fact, I could sleep in a corner!
• Clothespins
• They've got many uses...and you never think about how great they are until you need one and you can't find it.

And finally..............

• Law and Order
• How else would I spend my weekday afternoons and weekend afternoons?? Being productive? Please!

How???

Some kids go through the "why" stage, but Story's new favorite word is "how." This is just a sample of every single conversation we've had this week.

STORY: Mommy, why is the stove hot?

ME: Because electricity goes through it and makes it hot.

STORY: How does electricity get in there?

ME: We plug it into the wall and the electricity goes through the cord.

STORY: How does eek-tris-tee get in the wall?

ME: There are wires with electricity in them that run to our house.

STORY: How did the wires go to our house?

ME: Someone made them go to our house. They bring power to here.

STORY: How do they get the power?

ME: From a power plant.

STORY: How does the plant get power?

ME: They burn coal.

STORY: (slight pause) Mommy, how do you know?

ME: Because I'm smart.

STORY: How are you smart?

ME: I'm smart because I listened in school.

STORY: How did you do that?

ME: (no speaking, just "the look")

STORY: Oh.

So far this week, I've explained how leaves turn colors, how toilets work, why I do laundry, and how cars use gas. And each conversation ends exactly the same way- with my daughter questioning my intelligence, and me administering "the look".

There's a bright and shining future for Story in law enforcement, I'm sure. Or maybe torture.

Eight Things I learned about Alabama

On a recent trip to the Yellowhammer State (Alabama!) to attend my sister-in-law's wedding, I learned many things.

1. Alabama is too long.

• We had to drive from the top of the state to the very bottom. The kids asked us every hour or so what state we were in, and I'm pretty sure we said "Alabama" about 300 times. I mean, it's longer than California and Florida combined. It might be longer than the entire continent of South America from tip to top. Don't believe what those maps say- I lived it!

2. Alabama highways all look the same.

• I took pictures every hour from the passenger seat. Guess what? They all had a road surrounded by pine trees. Every picture is indistinguishable from the rest.

3. Ants are to be feared in Alabama.

• Where I live, you see an ant crawling on you, you flick it off. No big deal. In Alabama, I learned the hard way that when you see an ant crawling on you, you should scream, shake the appendage on which the ant has decided to crawl, and then drop to your knees and pray for mercy. If you don't, it will sting you. And then you will cry many times during the course of at least four days, maybe more (ask me in a couple more days).

4. Bug spray doesn't matter in Alabama.

• When planning to spend time in an outdoor venue, many people put on bug spray. I usually do this in the summer, but I made a special decision to apply bug spray due to the ant incident. I even applied it four times. It didn't seem to matter...I got bit anyways. Many, many times.

5. Sand fleas are direct descendants from Satan.

• It's possible that I was bitten over and over by these things I couldn't see called "sand fleas." At least that's what the photographer said was biting him when he asked me for bug spray. Little did I know I could have told him it didn't matter- apparently bug spray doesn't deter them. I came home with 19 bites on just one leg, not to mention the other leg, both arms, and my back. These bites, while small, itched worse and worse....and they continue to itch, but at least now they're taking turns.

6. Alabama bugs love me

• When totalling my bug bites, I stopped at 50. Ivy had 6. Story had 7. Rob had none. What's up with that??7

7. The beach in Alabama is white, but windy.

• I only went for a brief walk one day, and a 30 minute excursion with the kids to make sand castles the next. Of course, the kids abandoned the sand castle after about 3 minutes and 12 seconds and went on to make "sand angels" for the remainder of the time. The sand was pretty until it got in my eyes, my teeth, and some other places I don't talk about at parties.

8. The trip north isn't any better than the trip south

• Is it possible that it takes twice as long to leave Alabama as it did to get there? Maybe there's some kind of space-time-continuum that keeps you in the state longer when you try to leave.

I had a good time (and so did the bugs!), but I don't think I could move there....unless I got some kind of bug and sand repellent cat suit....and an airplane to make the trip north faster!