Story is being a punk

What is wrong with this girl today??

• She keeps spanking us all on the legs and saying "Bad, bad!"
• She wants me to pretend I am grandma.
• She tacked Ivy, got on top of her and pinched her cheeks.
• Ivy was laying on top of me and she jumped up and body slammed us.
• She is trying to shut my computer as I type this.
• She keeps opening the chocolate pretzels, licking one, and then giving it to me (of course, I have to take one for the team and eat the pretzel. Okay, this really isn't a gripe).
• She is jumping on the bed like a trampoline, pretending to burp, and saying "Mommy! I tooted!"
• She really wants a chocolate donut. Now. As in five minutes ago.
• She tried to climb in the fountain.
• She is climbing in the big tub and sliding down off the top of it.
• She has smushed Nacho Cheese Doritos into the carpet.
• She is jumping on crayons trying to break them.

AND, everytime I tell her not to do something, she goes out of the way to do it, like she's sixteen or something.

When I told her to apologize to the crayon she broke, she said, "Mommy. It not talk."