Paper towel meditation

I brought home the groceries Sunday after church. One of my purchases was a three-pack of paper towels. As I set it on the counter, I had one of those weirdo flashbacks you get when you look at the person you used to be and the person you've become and realize they aren't the same...that they aren't even close. That you are pretty sure you and that person wouldn't even be friends.

The paper towels symbolize what I've become. I still have a partial roll of paper towels on the holder. I bought the new pack just in case I ran out this week, so I wouldn't have to go without paper towels at all (the partial roll is still there).

Pre-kids Tracee wouldn't have bought those paper towels until she had been paper towel-less for at least a week, maybe two. Pre-kids Tracee never had tissues, and was lucky if she had a spare roll of toilet paper. She went to the grocery store or Wal-mart daily if she needed something to cook (and I use the word "cook" loosely- more like "heat-up"). Most of the time, she and her unfortunate husband didn't eat, and if they did it was because they took the long trip up to Pikeville and got something. I can't tell you what she bought, but she never had money, even for paper products.

Post-kids Tracee always has paper towels. She plans ahead. She is always never without tissues and has at least four back-up rolls of toilet paper at all times. She never runs out of soap, shampoo, medicine, and in normal circumstances, diaper wipes. She cooks (still "heats up") dinner every night and plans out every dinner at least two weeks in advance when she takes stock of the ingredients she needs and makes a detailed shopping list that is divided by aisles. She also picks out her children's and her own clothes for the entire week based on the weather forecast every Sunday. She is a creature of organization and habit.

How in the world can I reconcile these two Tracees? They are as different as night and day, and there's not much they have in common. Pre-kids Tracee talked about band, school, and more band. Post-kids Tracee talks about facebook, diapers, and childhood diseases. Would I be friends with me? How is it possible to change that much in just a couple of years? Oh, yeah, I know the answer:

Story and Ivy. They're good...they put me through trial and error all the time.