Nyquil

Nyquil is an awesome thing when you're really sick. It puts you in this coma-like sleep for the whole night.

The only problem is that when you wake up, especially when something wakes you up, unless you've had 14.7 hours of sleep, you get the "nyquil hangover." And really, the last time I slept for 14 hours was probably when I was a newborn.

When you wake up with the nyquil hangover, you can't walk straight. For instance, when you are trying to get to your daughter's room where she has been screaming for thirty minutes trying to wake you up to come and get her, you might trip over anything. Even a slight variation in your hardwood floor.

Nyquil also destroys the ability for your arms to be controlled by your brain. When you try to pick up said daughter, it might take you three tries to actually get your hands on her and lift her out of the crib. Once in your arms, her deathgrip on your neck is the only thing that is keeping her from tumbling onto the floor.

The nyquil hangover also impairs your judgement. While trying to make it back to your bedroom with whimpering toddler, you might decide to check on your other kid, who should be sleeping in her bed. When you find that that kid is not in her bed, you might panic unnecessarily and begin to search her room frantically even though you have lost the ability to walk straight and you have a 30 lb. weight holding onto your shoulder.

Further impairment of logical thought might result in your running through the house yelling, "Ivy!" When you make it to your bedroom and discover Ivy sleeping at the bottom of the bed with her Daddy's feet in her face, you might also decide that she has suffocated, which causes you to toss the toddler into the bed on Daddy, slap his feet away, and prepare yourself to administer CPR to your now awake older daughter who is looking at you like you are weird.

The nyquil hangover also causes you to ignore everything you have just done and collapse in sleep in whatever position you might be in. For instance, if the older daughter says, "Silly Mommy, I came in here 'cause I was scared," and your husband has yet to wake up even though you threw a toddler at him and tried to kill his feet, you might then align yourself on the small sliver of bed the toddler and husband have left for you and instantly fall back asleep without remembering any of this until 9 AM the following morning. Especially since the nyquil caused you not to notice the older daughter was in your bed in the first place.