Watch this

Yesterday I wore a watch to church.

I used to wear watches all the time. I remember some super cool neon pink digital watches I wore back in the day. At one point in my life, I actually had three watches that I could change depending on what I wore! And when a watch died, I just threw it away and bought another $2 Walmart watch. 

When I was in college playing oboe 5 hours a day it seemed, I'd take my watch off, but it was always set up on my music stand so I could see just how much longer I had to play.

I don't know when I stopped wearing a watch. I've come to the conclusion that it coincided with the importance of my cell phone. When you're on your phone all day, there's no reason to have a watch to keep time! 

But of course, there are times throughout the day when looking at your cell phone for the time is considered a social faux pas. In the middle of a meeting. When talking to someone you wish you weren't talking to. In church.

Yesterday, I looked at my wrist and realized the time was right there. I didn't have to sneak a look at my phone in my purse to see the time! In fact, I could simply look at my wrist as many times as I wanted to. I bet I stared at my wrist a million times after I came to the realization that no one could see me checking the time!

It's sad to think about the lack of watch wearing happening today. Young people don't wear them. Older people do, but maybe out of habit. Is the watch industry suffering??

I've decided to bring back the art of watch wearing. Who's with me? We've got to save the livelihood of watchmakers everywhere. And then we can sneak a look at the time occasionally when we're not supposed to.

Bones

Ivy has just finished a unit on bones. I should have studied it with her because now I'm forced to decipher comments and questions such as these:

Mommy, my tibia hurts!

Mommy, how exactly do my ribs protect me?

Mommy, why do I have an anvil in my ear?

Mommy, can you check my metatarsals?

Mommy, why does your clavicle stick out?

I'm constantly googling bone names just to try and understand what the heck she's talking about.

But here's my favorite....I was putting on Ivy's jeans, complaining about having to get them over her butt. Exasperated, I yelled, "WHY is your butt so big?!?"

Ivy said, "That's an easy one. It's because my pelvis is bigger than a man's."

4:15....4:15....

For three days in a row, I have spontaneously awakened at 4:15 AM.

Which is good, I guess, I feel rested. Awake. Ready to start the day....

But something in the back of my brain can't stop thinking this waking up has a bigger purpose than I am aware of....or I at least keep thinking like a movie director....

WHY am I waking up at 4:15??? WHAT is going to happen to me at 4:15 that I need to be awake for????

• Is someone in my family going to choke or have a heart attack at 4:15?? Am I awake so I can administer CPR???

• Is someone going to rob our house at 4:15??

• Will my mom need me one day soon at 4:15???

• Am I going to be abducted by aliens at 4:15, and do they keep waking me up at this time to prepare me???

• Am I going to pull a Richard Gere (from the Mothman Prophesies) and suddenly find myself driving my car in Point Pleasant, WV...at 4:15????

I mean, it could be anything!!! My biggest task here is to wait and be ready for whatever is in store for me (because I'm always on camera and my life's a movie, right?).

Or, I just accidentally woke up at this time the other day and my body is following a pattern.

The first one's cooler though.

 

Big Bugs

In bed with Story...

Story: Mommy, are big bugs real?

Me: Yes, there are big bugs in the world.

Story: No, Mommy, are BIG BUGS real??

Me: What are you calling big? Wasps are big. Some spiders are big. Moths can be big.

Story: (clearly exasperated with me and rolling her eyes back in her head) no, Mommy, listen to me!! BIG bugs, like "Don't let the big bugs bite!"

Me: Oh, you mean BED bugs?

Story: No! Big bugs!

Me: It's BED bugs.

Story: Beds have bugs???? Big bugs?

Me: No, they're small. You almost can't see them.

Story: I can't ever sleep in my bed again.

I blame....SCHOOL!

Someone yesterday mentioned my blog, and I thought, "Gee, I haven't written on it for like two months."

So then I logged in, and realized I hadn't posted since JUNE. Of 2012.

And you know what? I blame....SCHOOL. Yes, school. Both of my kids are in SCHOOL. And that means I am a constant homework enforcing, chauffeur to these two little kids who are so young, they shouldn't be involved in anything! And yet they are!!

That got me thinking....I actually blame school for many, many things now....

• Teaching my kids to read. I can no longer spell anything!! I can't spell "McDonald's" or "playground" or "toys" or "Santa" because they seem to know what the word I am spelling is!!! Now in order to talk to my husband about something I don't want them to know about, I actually have to leave the room! Or create some secret kind of language that I can't keep straight so when I'm trying to say, "Let's take them to the park," I actually say something like "Yes, you can buy a golf cart!"

• Peer pressure. My kids used to be happy with everything I gave them/let them do. now they have things to compare it to...."Mommy, Katie says her mommy is taking her to Disney World. Why don't you take us to Disney World??" Or, "Mommy! Annie only wears clothes from Justice!!! She only wears dresses and glitter boots!!! I want dresses and glitter boots!!!" I swear, I don't think my wallet can compete with this.

• Math. Suddenly they know that getting a nickel for cleaning the playroom isn't keeping up with inflation.

• The tooth fairy. You know, our tooth fairy just can't afford to give $20 for losing a tooth. They want a new tooth fairy. Maybe the one their friends have.

• Science. The girls aren't happy with my explanations of how things work anymore. They now know that dinosaurs don't live under their beds to keep them from getting out of bed. They know that God doesn't make clocks and toys function properly. And they ask all sorts of questions about how cars work (I have no idea, I put the key in and it goes), why you can't eat chips all the time (because it makes you sick! Just ignore that I do it), and where dreams come from (I swear I learned this in psychology like 20 years ago, but honestly I don't have a clue now). They now know that I am just not as smart as they once thought.

So, thank you, school. Thank you for making me look bad.

Cowgirl and the loose tooth

Ivy had this loose tooth that she had been wiggling for days, much to my dismay. See, I hate loose teeth. I can't stand to watch them being wiggled. I don't like to think about them being pulled.   I never pulled my own teeth ...and I tried to hide them from my dad so he wouldn't pull them. There's NO WAY I would ever be able to pull someones tooth.

But, I have a kid losing teeth at an alarming rate.  A friend of the family pulled her first tooth. Her teachers have pulled many more of them. Her dad pulled one. One just fell out.  I have had nothing to do with any of them.

The tooth in question had been pulled on by many, including Ivy, but of course not me.  She walked through Wal-mart wiggling it. Played on the swing set wiggling it. Laid in bed wiggling it.

Then, as I am making the bed yesterday, I hear a scream, a cry, a thud, and an undecipherable exclamation....something like "Fye Foooo!!! Aye looooffff id!"

I ran out into the hallway and was immediately confronted by Ivy, blood dripping down her chin. "Fye Foof!" she exclaimed. "Fye foof es gone!!!!"  I ushered her into the bathroom, gave her a cup, and told her to start rinsing.

But not all the noise was coming from Ivy. Story stood in the door of the playroom sobbing, large tears falling from her eyes down onto her cheeks. "What's wrong??" I asked. "Ivy is fine! She just lost her tooth!"

"I know!!!!" Story wailed. "I made her tooth fall out!!!!" And with that sentence, she wailed even louder.

"What happened???" I asked, but inconsolable Story couldn't tell me.  A non-bleeding but still-hard-to-understand Ivy filled in the blanks.

Story had decided that she wanted to be a cowgirl.  And that Ivy was going to be her horse. All good horses have reins, though, and this issue was remedied by a jump rope placed in Ivy's teeth. Story mounted, grabbed hold of her reins, and pulled...and suddenly Ivy didn't have a tooth anymore.

Story was still crying, but I managed to calm her down and explain that she kind of did a good thing...of course, jump ropes in mouths were bad, and it could have been a permanent tooth, but all that aside, she didn't need to cry anymore.

Five minutes later, I found the tooth. It had been flung 15 feet into the next room. If I had been a forensic pathologist, I could have determined that something much more dangerous happened with the jump rope to fling the tooth that far, but lucky for Ivy and Story, I'm just a music teacher.

Ivy Teaches Story About Digestion

Often, Ivy feels the need to instruct Story on the ways of the world. While eating pizza in the back seat, Ivy decided to teach Story about a process called "indigeshun."

IVY: Story, did you know that this pizza will turn to poop in your body?

STORY: what??

IVY: it's called indigeshun. You chew the pizza and it is in your mouth.

STORY: I don't have poop in my mouth.

IVY: no! Listen! Then it goes in your throat.

STORY: I have poop in my throat?

IVY: No! Your throat goes to your tummy. And the food goes to your tummy. And then it goes into....mommy?

ME: yes?

IVY: what's that tube after your tummy called?

ME: the intestine?

IVY: yes, Story, the food goes to your small testine.

STORY: I have a test?

IVY: No! TESTINE! Then it goes to your big testine.

STORY: how big is my testine?

IVY: And then it goes to the toilet.

STORY: I don't put food in the toilet. That's where the poop goes.

IVY: No, Story, it's poop then!

STORY: but when is the food poop?

As much as I was enjoying this science lesson, Ivy started to tell her the whole process AGAIN and I changed the subject.

And only Ivy could continue eating her pizza at this point.