My descent from green cleaning into the depths of chemical use

A couple of years ago when Story was just a baby (and cried all night) I spent way too much time on the Internet. I ended up web surfing to a page that talked about the evils of soap. Yes, soap. The stuff that is supposed to make you clean? Well, I read it was full of this sodium laureth sulfate that was supposedly descended from the ninth level of Hades or something. So, I researched my choices and decided that my family was no longer going to use this poisonous stuff called soap.

Before this turns in to a blog about soap, in my anti-soap research I ran across a website that told me how to make my own cheap and healthy laundry detergent. I started doing it, and was amazed at the affordability and "safeness" of the stuff. The detergent making was only a step away from what would become my new obsession: green cleaning.

As I read more and more about how all these products that we buy every day could turn us into mutants or give us diseases, I started freaking out. I packed up all the Comet, Resolve, Windex, etc. into a box. I researched what I could clean with and found three items: vinegar, club soda, and baking soda. Not only were they better for all of us, they were cheap! There were thousands of uses for them. Yes, the vinegar was really stinky. It didn't smell clean at all. The club soda didn't shine like Windex. Baking soda left no smell, but I got some really strong arm muscles trying to scrub anything with it.

But I convinced myself with a little more muscle, everything was cleaning as good as the stuff I packed up. Sometimes I told myself that it cleaned even better. Sadly, I think I was deceiving myself. Everything in the house lost its sparkle. And cleaning started to take twice as long as I applied a lot of elbow grease.

So, when we moved into our new house two years ago, I was relieved to be starting with really clean stuff from scratch. Unfortunately, with the size of the new house, it became increasingly difficult to clean anything! Plus, the stuff wasn't staying shiny.

Last year, I bought my first bottle of pledge. I'd been scrubbing the furniture with vinegar and olive oil....which was really icky and not at all cost efficient. It was like the heavens shone through the windows on my coffee table. Everywhere I looked with a cleanable surface I heard the sound of singing. My husband said, "Thank God you bought the Pledge!" Apparently the smell of vinegar was affecting him, too.

Recently, I received some coupons for a variety of Lysol products. Exhausted from all these years of green cleaning and (ha ha) elbow grease, at Walmart I reached for toilet cleaner and bathroom spray.

I came home, and began to clean the girl's bathroom. I was floored. I had never seen the toilet so white! The rust stains were coming off (I know, right? Rust stains on a two year old toilet? A combination of bad water and baking soda cleaning no doubt). All of the bathroom gunk came off with no effort! And the smell was amazing!!

I cleaned all three bathrooms in less time than it took me to clean one with vinegar and baking soda. I actually only had to clean my shower once! With the other stuff, I was scrubbing it three times at least.

Moved by the cleanliness of my bathrooms and the possibility of more free hours on a Saturday suddenly moved me to denounce my green cleaning ways. No more would I be the slave to club soda on the mirrors. No more would I wallow in self pity while trying to scrub a toilet with something that belongs in homemade cookies. I was going to have clean, and have it quickly.

So, I moved the green cleaning materials to.....the baking cabinet. I gave the bottles of Lysol the new place of honor under the sink.

I still make laundry detergent, because it's cheap and easy. I take my reusable bags to the store. But, I'll never be given a super-eco award now. Green cleaning is not for me....because I like things that are actually clean.